The Last Lecture

As I was browsing through my usual dose of tmz, a piece of news stunned me.

The Carnegie-Mellon professor who gave motivational talks coined ‘The Last Lecture’ is dead.

Dead.

His death was not an unexpected one. However, the amazing strength and bravery that he has displayed conferred a certain kind of immortality upon him. At least, I believed that the more I read about him, the less likely he was going to die. It’s as though he’ll be one of those miracle patients who are given three months to live but ended up living for decades.

Well, seems like reality has triumphed after all. He is dead. He has died from pancreatic cancer.

I still remember one thing he said, don’t ask me about my wife because I haven’t figured out how to deal with that part yet.

I think about myself. What if I died without warning. What will happen to y? Will he be devastated? Or is a slow death better than a quick one? Because the slow death allows you to say goodbye…

Hard questions. But whatever it is, life is a gift. It just happens once. For all of us netizens, it is amazing that we can all gather at wordpress to share our joys and sorrows. And I’m glad that we did that. Don’t live with regrets and always follow your heart.

love

Summertime

I’ve returned to the Island for my three month break.

After holding out for a month, I couldn’t resist it anymore and dialed his number. The service provider informed me that the user was ‘unavailable’ and advised me to ‘try again’ later. As it turns out, he was taking a holiday in Vietnam. Or rather, fucking his way through Hanoi.

Even though he claimed later on that he did not do anything unbecoming in Vietnam, I find it hard to believe. For one, he is embarking on a quest to write a book on the escapades of men of the island in Vietnam, accounts of which is filled with lurid details and steamy sex scenes. According to him, his accounts are inspirations of the famed sforum which allows for exchanges of such experiences among men.

Indeed.

How can I bring myself to believe him after he revealed that at a point of our three year relationship, he was just using me for sex? His attitude, as it seemed, was that as long as he gets to fuck me, he’ll put up with anything.

Aye… Putting up with me was the vibe I received from him. His nonchalance. One word grunts. And claims of “I love you”s before urgently ripping my clothes off and burying himself in me.

However, we are sentient beings. How long can such a trend continue before it brings a toil upon all of us?

Perhaps it is the fact that I look down on him. The way he failed to play up to my expectations of a Renaissance man. Despite being equipped with the potential to be someone that I can truly admire, he is only a guy of island. A small town boy who pretends to be global by feeding me useless pieces of unsupported trivia. A homebody who’ll drop everything for his family but pretends that he only needs me.

He asked me, “is food and pleasure everything that we talk about?”

What else is there to talk about? Like how your family is obviously different from mine? A house of six holed up in a tiny house with its very own patriarch and matriarch reigning over everyone else and expecting me to kowtow to them as well?

Perhaps it’s also the way he looks completely stupid whenever he does anything. The stupid exaggerated grimace he gives or the quiver of fear he had when y called to harass me about my relationship with him. Incidentally, he is very good friends with y now, saying that she was there for him when he needed someone the most.

I’m currently in a difficult phase in my life. I have no idea what I’m doing or attempting to achieve. Sometimes I feel like dying but am scared back to life but the prospect of death. It’s a funny world, yes it is.