On Being In A Small Room

Being in a small room calms my heart and soothes my soul. A glance concludes almost as fast as it begins and it assures of the absence of space. Treasured trinkets litter the table top and academic books and other necessities add volume to the three bookshelves above which reminds me inkblot tests.

Lying in my supertwin bed, I feel comfort in the fact that there is simply no more space for a second person. The queen size blanket and me; we rule the roost here. Snuggling under the sheets, I indulge in the trapped air molecules and drift swiftly into sleep.

A small room is also convenient. Everything is within reach. Phone; check. Water; check. Seems like everything is in place.

Now I’m a large room. A room too large for my body and soul. Wishing for Mother’s hand to hold me the night, what I got instead was a single blanket for a queen sized bed. Barely wrapping my body, I twist and turn to find various comfortable positions. Funny how I almost never did that before.

A Gold-digger’s Tale

Am I a frivolous, pragmatic, materialistic bitch?

Perhaps I am.

Don’t know why he’s so concerned about his best friend coming here. So much so that he’s willing to spend extra money having french food. Don’t get me wrong, I love foie gras. Problem lies exactly here. I love foie gras, he knows it and he complains that he has no money and has no intention of bringing me there any time in the near future.

However, at the first call his friend gives him, he asks if I know of any french restaurants near town and suggests that we join his friend. Whom we shall call p.

Maybe I’m just jealous that p has the ability to bring his girlfriend to a french restaurant while my boyfriend is only capable of asking my to fork out the money at the chinese restaurant because they didn’t accept credit cards.

Strangely, at a very very deep place in my heart, I harbor some bitter resentment towards him. He is incapable of doing any great, has no plans for the future. Well he does have some plans. Which are well, in the extremely preliminary planning stage. I’m so frustrated.

On the other hand. He’s a wonderful companion. A rock for me to lean on when the water is choppy.

So. I have to work damn bloody hard to climb up the corporate ladder and provide for my own decadent needs.