Nesting on a Couch (and thinking about bullet trains)

Sitting and just dreaming, I float in and out of consciousness…

Thinking of how the past day was spent and fretting about how to spend the next day. Shall I have eggs and sausages or should I have waffles with ladles of maple syrup?

And while I’m at that, perhaps I should just tilt my head ever so often to make sure that he’s not there… But of course he won’t be there, he’s still playing World of Warcraft. As expected. He will never be here, he will never be back. And even if he comes back, I would have left.

Funny how a cartoon in my history class applies to real life. It was a cartoon about how a Japanese man in the 1920s viewed modernity – as a speeding train no less, with no end in sight. Similarly, romance is like the bullet train to me. Sure, it’s supposed to be your one path to heaven (or so hollywood romance moves would have us believe) but the question that arises is, so then, how do you get on board?

All I’ve gotten so far is a few nasty nips in my heart for trying too hard. And guess what? I’m happy to stand aside as an observer. For the time being.

One Month into School with Two Fucked-Up Relationships.

So girls,

there are a few lessons you can take away from my experience.

1) Don’t start a relationship based on sex.

2) If it’s gonna be based on sex, don’t put any effort into maintaining the relationship.

3) Do not be startled if they turn out to be complete sleazeballs.

So… I got back with Y during the summer.

Why? Loneliness. And loneliness coupled with horniness does not go well. At all. So I end up leeching onto him again. And we fucked. And we fucked. And we met his parents. Who turn out to be really great people actually. And I also really liked his sisters. Guess what, or rather WHO, I didn’t like, was him.

Things I Hate About Y:

1) Inability to be a man in times of crisis

Evidence- When that stupid bitch hui called me and ‘confronted’ me, I was the person in charge. I had to comfort him and tell him that everything is gonna be okay.Like…whaaa….???

2) Does not have ambition nor ability to succeed.

3) Loves to accuse me as the source of all his pain.

4) Is poor. I mean, VERY poor.

5) Ah…this is the best part…

He is a connoisseur of prostitutes. And wait! The best ones only! Ones that cost 150bucks! In fact, he writes REVIEWS on these places!!!

Can you imagine anything more laughable than that? And of course, by laugh, I mean laugh-stop in disbelief-laugh at self-laugh at him and so on.

It’s a recent vice that he’s gotten himself into. Of course, he claims that it’s MY FAULT. Of course! SURE!

Well, fuck you and good luck to you.

And so, after coming back to my second year of college… I got together with D. Which is a complete mistake given how he ditched me during RF last year and J had to take care of me in my drunken state.

So again, this relationship was purely sexual EXCEPT he asked me to be his girlfriend which caused me to throw myself into this thing wholeheartedly. I did everything I thought a perfect girlfriend should do. Buying him coffee in the morning, getting him food, fussing over him, organizing my schedule around him.

Ok, in retrospect, this does seem kind of scary. But it didn’t seem so at that point of time! I was just so happy to be in a relationship again…(the irony of it all).

However, problems started to pop up. First of all…he is a HARDCORE gamer. A very important fact that I had completely no knowledge of…until I stayed with him. His life is centered on *raiding*. A term which must be very famiiar to all of you World of Warcraft fans. Second, he doesn’t care abou me. At all. He doesn’t ask me questions. He ask me questions only because he feels that it’s polite/right for him to ask such questions. Which is horrible. I felt so fucking used. Still do.

And so he broke it off with me. Saying that he doesn’t feel the need to put in the extra effort to make this relationship work.

Er…sure you don’t…afterall, between school and WoW, where do I fit in? Trying to fit in weekday sex would be a stretch!

And so…we ended. After 2 weeks!

The problem here is…when emotions are involved…I find it hard to extract myself from this mess…

Even though I hate the both of them to the core (exaggerating a little here), I still care about them… A little. Alot. Depends…

Right now…I’m just trying to deal with this by physically separating myself from them. In the case of Y, it’s simple…since he’s 17.5 hours away by flight. But D… he’s gonna be such a easy hookup. And the worst part is BECAUSE he said that he doesn’t want to be physically involved anymore, I WANT to make sure we get physically involved at the next available opportunity…Just to spite him.

Sigh.