I wanted to know if he loved me.
He did. And so we fucked our brains out. We rolled on waves and waves of ecstasy to promises of “I love you forever, you and you alone”.
I wanted to know if he truly loved me. He said yes. I told him I wasn’t sure if I really loved him. How could I love someone that I wasn’t meant to be with? How could I love him with such an intensity and yet it was mixed with severe ambivalence when all is calm and quiet? How could I want to possess his body mind and spirit when it was revealed, after two and a half years, that I was number twenty-four? And no, I cannot possibly overtake his fucking goddess who is a perfect ten.
How could you exceed a perfect ten? That’s the maximum and she is a goddess.
I want to be A HUNDRED, A MILLION, INFINITELY better. Every sin hurts and mine is the bloody sin of jealousy. I accept nothing less than absolute possession and that’s what I see him as, all mine.
And yet, he finally confess to me that for a period of time, all he wanted me for was sex. SEX, SEX!!!!!!
True love? FUCK true love. Seems like lust is the only duct tape on our crumbling relationship.
However, at the same time, I want to get fucked by him so badly. I want him to fuck my brains out and infuse every single pore in my body with what is his. He’s the only person that i can envision melting into. It is with him that I surrender my heart and soul. When I’m with him… I am completely at ease with the world.
But, could it be because I’m seduced by that which I am not supposed to have? I’m not another Pamela! I’m not a sex toy!!! I’M NOT A SEX TOY!!!!!
Who ever said that a sex toy is only meant for fucking? How about the time spent coaxing her into bed, fucking her silly and cuddling her into the sunrise in the name of love?
Or am I a sex kitten? Perhaps he likes it when I sink my claws into him one moment and purr while rubbing against him the next? He looks at me adoringly like I actually matter. It is that gaze of honest love and adoration that melts away all my inhibitions like a lethal heatwave.
I just want to fuse as one with him and maximize skin contact with him on so many levels. Calling his name to remind myself that I am truly making love to him, I ran my hands all over his body and pressed against him. Moans of pleasure escapes him and it only makes me want to fuck him harder and longer.
Can I be yours? I want to be yours. But in the process, I want to eradicate all those that were before me and burn them to the ground.
Somehow love making turned into war. We both want to win. We both want each other to come first. However, I’m usually the one who surrenders first as waves of pleasure hits me. Flipping me over, he thrusts deep inside me while playing with my ass and breasts. I want you now…I tried saying. What emitted from my mouth were moans signaling to him that I was about to come, resulting in increased speed and intensity.
Pushed to the brink, I could no longer contain myself and allowed waves of contraction to hit me, washing my body in fulfillment and love.
I would turn back and glance at him with a smile, as if to say, you made me come again. i love you.
Sometimes I verbalize it, at other times, I would have no time to say anything before he starts to slam against me and reduce me to a quivering ball of lust once more.
I meant for this post to sound angry and hateful. But now, I just wish he is right here beside me so that I can tell him how much I love him.
Before fucking him silly.
